Dating, Doshic Style

Ayurveda & YouDoshas


Ayurveda is the science of life. It helps us understand patterns we are prone to and helps bring balance to our inner and outer life. But did you know, you can apply Ayurvedic knowledge to your dating life?

The first step to finding love is definitely having a better understanding of ourselves, which Ayurveda can help with. But a working knowledge of the doshas can shed some insightful light onto our chosen, or potential, partners, too.

The doshas are the personality constitutions of Ayurveda and they are directly related to the elements:

  • Vata – Related to the elements of air and ether, Vatas are creative, spontaneous and dreamers. They often have a slender body type and are prone to cold limbs.
  • Pitta – Related to the element of fire, Pitta types are motivated leaders, strong willed and sometimes stubborn. They often have a strong or muscular frame and are usually warm.
  • Kapha – Related to the elements of earth and water, Kaphas are compassionate, soulful and good listeners. They often have a soft and curvy body and are homebodies.

It’s not about seeking a certain dosha to match yours (like attracts like isn’t necessarily the case here), but it’s about striking a balance between the two personality types. Getting to know the doshic style of your partner or new bae will go a long way in your quest for compatibility, connection and compassion.

If Your Love is a Vata:

– When asking out or planning a date with Vata, make sure to ask questions about what they would like to do when suggesting an activity.

– Vata is very spontaneous and at times can be downright flakey. Understand that Vata lives minute-to-minute and time may not be as valuable to them as it is to you. Try not to take lateness or cancelled plans too personally.

– Vatas love conversation, and planning a date where you can converse deeply will be the ideal way to connect with Vata.

– Vatas are prone to anxiety, so try to diffuse their worries when dealing with difficult topics or situations when necessary. Remember, Vata is usually thinking “what did I do wrong?”

Commitment for Vata can be hard and they are often known to be relationship hoppers. Getting Vata to settle down might take some extra work, but they will pay you back with lots of excitement in the relationship.

Set the mood with: bergamot, cinnamon and rosewood oils

If Pitta is Your Bae:

– Pitta is a natural leader and it might be better to be more direct with ideas for a date or simply allow them to take the reins on activity planning.

– Time is valuable to Pitta, and last minute cancellations or “I’m running 5 minutes late” texts are often not appreciated by Pitta. Spontaneity is fun but giving enough notice will make Pitta feel more comfortable.

– Pittas love conversation and their communication style is very direct. Playful debate can be a great way to connect with your Pitta bae.

– Pitta is very direct; if they feel you did something wrong they will 100% let you know it.  Choose your battles with Pitta and don’t get too easily offended. Understanding their communication style will take you far.

– Pitta will date with planning precision. You might feel Pitta coming on strong if they feel you are a good match, or they might ghost if they don’t feel the connection.

Set the mood with: Ylang ylang, jasmine and geranium oils.

If Your Honey is Kapha:

– Kapha loves food, and a date planned around a meal could be a great way to connect. If going outdoors, remember that Kapha prefers warm and dry climates.

– Kapha is a great listener and may not be super chatty with you immediately. Don’t get stuck in a monologue; ask some questions to get a meaningful conversation flowing between the two of you.

– Kapha has a tendency to bail if things get dramatic or tense. Be aware and respectful of this in situations of confrontation. 

– Kaphas are very devoted and tend toward long term relationships but it can take some time for them to open up and trust you. Love with Kapha is like a flower with a slow but meaningful bloom.

Set the mood with: Sandalwood, orange and rose oils.


Author: Kelly Driscoll

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